Tonight I went for a swim at Nitro. Rather than swim the normal masters program, I swam the “fitness” workout, which is both shorter and easier. I ended up doing 2000 meters, which was good for a first day back. Swimming stretched my scar. It didn’t hurt, but it was mildly uncomfortable or at least noticeable. I also noticed that my lung capacity has gone way down. My breathing was labored, which is unusual when I’m in water. Even so, just moving through the water felt good. At the end of the workout, I tried a couple of flip turns just to see if I could do them. I managed, but I felt them, so I think I’ll do open turns for a while until the incision heals a little more.

It wasn’t a perfect swim, but just being back in that facility reminded me of all the training I did towards Coeur d’Alene. I’m excited to get back to that level of fitness and to see my weight drop again. A month of minimal activity and three weeks of basically no activity cost me my fitness and my size, but I’ll get back there again. It would be nice if I could keep the size I wanted on something less than an Ironman regimen, but oh well. At least I know I can get there!

I like the intensity of training for something so far beyond me. It keeps me occupied. This past week, I was talking to a friend of mine via email, and I heard myself tell him, “It’s much easier to train for an Ironman than to understand a man.” It was one of those moments where I didn’t really know what I thought until I wrote it down. But it’s true. I do want a relationship, and I understand when people tell me that my training isn’t helping that cause and that I need to be more social than my training allows me to be. Like tonight, I debating between swimming and going to a bar where I knew there would be some really nice people. I wasn’t sure how the bar would turn out, but I knew I’d feel great coming out of the pool. That’s how I made my choice. Perhaps I should have chosen the bar, but I chose the pool. Bad choice? Safe choice? Maybe. But it was my choice.

I was more at peace with myself this past year than I’ve probably ever been, even though I was also more alone than I’ve probably ever been. I would take the peace and the relationship if I saw a way to have both. Right now, I just don’t see it. So I’ll keep the peace.