I’ve hit a crossroads.

February was moving along nicely. Then came the marathon. I blew the race. Completely. I don’t know what happened, but I could tell about seven miles in that it was going to be a long day. I didn’t stay on pace and ended up walking much of the latter portion of the race. Nothing specific hurt. I just didn’t have the energy.

I had a mental breakdown. Jeanie witnessed it during the race. Then after the race, I went back and forth on whether I should be pursuing this triathlon thing or whether I should appreciate that I did one Ironman and give it a rest. In other words, I considered quitting. I thought about quitting my one-on-one training, quitting my Ironman effort, and going back to just swimming, since that’s the one thing I seem to be pretty good at. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t quit.

I had one really bad day, and I’ll probably have more. But it’s going to take more than one miserable marathon to make me give up the dream of being faster and improving my Ironman time. I have more than six months to prepare for Canada. My goal is to cut an hour off my time. Canada is a tough course, but I’m pretty tough too. I’m in it for the long haul.

February has been good so far.

I just had a nice morning. It started with a run with Caroline and was followed by a late breakfast with Jeanie.

The run was wonderful. We ran 5 miles and did a couple of hard spurts where we were running at a 10 minute and 10:30 pace, which for me is fast. It was humid out, so Carol and I felt like we had just taken a shower. But it felt good. I felt strong and grateful for my health and the ability to go for a run.

After that, I went home and cleaned up. Then I met Jeanie at Kerbey Lane. We had a nice time for a couple of hours, and then I followed her to her home, which is new. It was fun to see her new space and get to spend some real time with her. It reminded me that training has lots of benefits. It’s not just about the training. It’s also about the friends we make along the way. And Jeanie is a special one.

Happy February! I’m thinking positively.

The last week has been more than a little strange. I had a few days of really good exercise. Then I got busier than I’ve been in a long time. Work got crazy busy, my outside commitments seem to have taken over my evenings, and a dear friend of mine landed in the hospital with a weird autoimmune thing. I totally missed the Super Bowl. And today was a twelve hour day. I’m wiped out.

I haven’t found my rhythm. I am desperately seeking my rhythm and my routine. Marathon is in a little less than two weeks. I’m exhausted. What will it take to snap out of this? A shift in thinking would be a good start.

Think positive. Plan the workouts each week. Say no to anything else. That’s the plan.