For about three weeks now, I’ve been considering bailing on this race. It’s strange to write that. I don’t bail. Normally, I don’t bail. So why bail now?
I just don’t feel ready. I’ve been great about running, as I’ve done two marathons this year. I’ve been good about swimming, as I’ve joined T3’s swim program and been a bit more regular about being in the water. But I don’t feel like I’ve spent enough time on my bike. I’ve done a whole lot of trainer riding, but my time on the road has been limited. I should have done an 80 or 100 mile ride by now, but I haven’t. That’s all on me. I just don’t feel ready, especially for a tough course like St. George.
I also am not enjoying the training right now. When I was training for Coeur d’Alene and even Canada to some degree, I was popping out of bed at 4:50 and making my workouts. Now I struggle to get out of bed at 5:15 to make a swim session. I even struggle to get up by 6:30 or 7:00 on the days I don’t swim. That’s not like me. I’m used to being driven by and engaged in the schedule. Right now, the schedule feels onerous.
I wonder – has my training suffered because I’m not having fun? Or am I not having fun because I haven’t been diligent about training? I’m not sure.
I’m thinking the right thing for me is to skip St. George and focus on Canada. I know what to expect with Canada because I’ve driven the course. I know the town. I know our hotel. It’s familiary territory, so it’s less stressful. St. George is not familiar territory. It’s stressful.
I hate to be a quitter. I missed Canada last year because of stupid gallbladder surgery. That was hard. I cried often about that loss. Now I’m considering voluntarily pulling out of a race because I haven’t done all that I needed to do to be ready. This, in some ways, feels like a bigger blow. I’ve got a list of excuses but, at the end of the day, they are excuses and it comes down to just not having put in the time I needed to have put in to have confidence about the race. I think I just answered my own question. I’m not having fun because I haven’t been diligent about training.
I’ll make this decision in the next few days. Right now, I’m going to sleep on it.