I just sent the email officially withdrawing from St. George. It still feels right. Plane tickets are cancelled, which leaves me with a hefty credit to apply towards some other trip. Pittsburgh, perhaps, for Amanda’s wedding and some down time with the Vellas? Or maybe DC, either for the Nation’s Tri or Christmas? Oh the possibilities. I still need to cancel the hotel and car, but I’m tasking myself with one thing per night. Otherwise, I get overwhelmed by the details. Sometimes the details are just too much.
I still haven’t worked out. I’ve had my yoga bag packed all week, but I haven’t made it to the studio. Tonight, my evening plans were derailed by a dear friend landing in the hospital. She’s my neighbor, she is 92, and she’s the most charming woman ever. I went to visit her this evening and thoroughly enjoyed laughing with her and spending time with the family she’s created through her friends. She is a widower, but she is surrounded by people who love her and would do anything for her. I think that’s true partly because she is loving and selfless to others, but there’s also just a vitality about her that draws people in. It drew me in. I love hearing her speak her mind, which she does always. Even tonight, as the hospital staff was trying to get information from her, she was quick to remind them that she’d given this information to others over and over again. “They don’t seem to want to pass the forms from person to person,” she said. She doesn’t get frustrated or get obnoxious. She just speaks her mind. It’s refreshing. I feel a real comfort in her presence, and I hope to be like her as I get older. Hell, I’d give anything to be half as engaging now.
The great thing for me right now is that I feel like I’m doing exactly what I should be doing with myself. A friend of mine last night described her current state as traveling with a compass but no destination. That’s how I feel. There is no particular end in mind, but I’m traveling with due north consistently within my sight. I’m working hard. I’m working through the demons of last year. I’m working on giving myself time and space to just be. And I’m not working out. I wouldn’t always choose these things, but for right now, they are perfect choices for me. I’m happy.