Maybe planning isn’t all that.

If things had gone as planned, I would have been getting on a plane tomorrow morning to head to St. George for my second Ironman.  If things had gone as planned.  I’ve said those words a lot lately.  If things had gone as planned, I would have spent new years in Hong Kong.  If things had gone as planned, I would have done Canada last year.  If things had gone as planned, I would have done Florida 70.3 last year. If things had gone as planned, I wouldn’t have experienced many of the changes of the last twelve months.  If things had gone as planned…

I’ve always been a planner.  I like having big goals for myself.  I need deadlines.  But lately, I’m finding that those goals and deadlines haven’t been enriching my life; they’ve been draining it.  The pressure of constant training has been just that – pressure. As a result, I’ve been living less rigidly.  I’ve given myself something of a break, and I’ve tried to just be more. And it has been working out. So although I’m sad to miss St. George and the chance to do a second race with Chris and a first race with Judy, I’m thankful to be home tonight, and I’m thankful not to be getting on a plane tomorrow. 

I’m barely even looking at my calendar these days.  The calendar doesn’t feel like the right guide.  Instead, I’m getting up each morning and making one decision at a time.  Lots of times, the day presents itself unexpectedly.  Maybe this process of weaning myself off my planning has been a preparation of sorts.  I’m leaving room for the unexpected.  Sometimes the unexpected is welcomed.  Sometimes its an intruder.  Either way, I think I’m more prepared for it because I’m less planned.  For that, I am grateful.

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