To be locked in a library.

I’ve been reading When the World Calls: The Inside Story of the Peace Corps and Its First Fifty Years by Stanley Meisler.  It recounts a great deal of history, but the piece that struck me most given where I am right now deals with former Peace Corps director Carol Bellamy.  According to this book, she fell asleep studying in her college library and awoke to find herself locked in overnight.  While she was passing time, waiting to be freed from the stacks, she stumbled on a brochure for the newly forming Peace Corps.  “By the time the librarians arrived to open the doors that morning, she had resolved to apply.”  That was in 1962. She did apply and was assigned to serve in Guatemala in 1963.  Thirty years later, she became the director of the Peace Corps.  Her entire life didn’t revolve around the Peace Corps, but that accident – being locked in – affected her future dramatically. 

I’m floundering a bit right now and need a library experience.  I don’t know what Ms. Bellamy’s world view is, but I take her experience as a direct sign from a higher power.  I fear this sounds a little crazy, but I need God to lock me in a room and show me very clearly what I am to do.  I know it’s not the Peace Corps.  I’ve never considered myself compassionate enough to travel to other countries and see their difficulties.  But there has to be something that I am on this planet to do.  Thirty-seven years into my life, and I don’t know what that is.  I want to know. 

God, lock me away for a night or however long it takes and show me a sign that I cannot miss.

3 thoughts on “To be locked in a library.

  1. Pretty heavy thoughts here. I think everyone goes thru a point in their life where they question "what am I going to be when I grow up?". Maybe it is a higher power.Maybe it's simply a quiet tough conversation with yourself. You'll figure it out – I'm sure of it. There isn't another woman on this planet that I know who is smarter or more grounded than you. You give us all hope! 🙂

  2. I don't have a single answer for you, but wanted to say that I *completely* understand what you're feeling and what you're expressing here. Very familiar with it.

  3. Maybe you've already figured it out, you just don't realize it yet?? My favorite professor in college (English department, of course) used to say, "The questions are the answers." If that's true, then the act of asking is the critical step and it's only a matter of time before the conclusion arrives…

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