Surely, I have one, right?
Last week, I was doing so well, training hard and feeling great about my race that will happen in less than three weeks. Then the weekend came and my focus went to hell. I did wonderful things this weekend, including dinner with some great girlfriends, a kick off event for a friend who is running for state representative, a party to celebrate a twentieth anniversary of two people I adore, time with an old friend I hadn’t seen in probably twenty years, and time reading an incredible draft of a book written by someone from my high school. It was all really good stuff, but I didn’t train one bit. I didn’t swim, ride or run all weekend. And I should have. What happened?
My heart got in the way.
I got into a bit of a spat with someone on Friday afternoon. I spent Friday night waiting for a phone call that didn’t come. I spent Saturday dwelling on those two things and Sunday trying to figure out why it all bothered me so much. My heart wasn’t in my training or my race or anything that builds me up. It was focused on others – situations I can’t control and people whose actions I don’t always understand.
I don’t have time for this. I don’t have time to let my mind wander into the depths of hell worrying about what I said or did that might have offended someone or thinking about where I went wrong and what I can do to make it all better. These next few weeks are my time to focus and enjoy the Ironman experience I’m about to have.
This month is about Ironman Coeur d’Alene. I’m lucky to be healthy enough to race despite some recent concerns about a rogue hip. I’m lucky to be racing my fourth Ironman with my friends Jeanie and Malinda and even my coach, Natasha, who has helped me improve immensely over the last twenty weeks. I’m grateful to have my mom and my dear friend Rey on the sidelines cheering for me at that event.
I get to do this race twenty days from now. Not everyone can. Not everyone has the time, the resources, the support, the desire. But I do. I’m incredibly lucky that way.
So please, if you see me over the next few weeks descending into what my friend and teacher Jeanne refers to as a spiral mind f*ck, go a little Moonstruck on me and tell me Cher-style to snap out of it. Because right now, I don’t have the energy to fight for those three little words we all love to hear. They are wonderful, and I want to hear them again one day. But right now, I’m working towards those four words that a small percentage of people on the planet ever get to enjoy – the four words that made me believe that anything is possible.
Say it to me again, Mike Reilly. Say it to me again.