My feeling out of sorts has now extended into my writing. It’s been two weeks since I wrote. It’s not that I haven’t had things to write about. I have. I could have written about my decision to skip the St. George 70.3, my recent visit with one of my sweet friends from Connecticut, my exceptional Easter weekend at home alone, my venture into open water swimming with Dave despite my fish issues, or my first experience at a rowing class. A great deal has happened in the last two weeks. I just haven’t had time to get into it. Better than that, I haven’t felt the need to write.
Writing is therapy for me. And lately, in addition to being busy at work and at home, I’ve just felt well. My head is clear. I don’t crumble at the drop of a hat, as I did this time last year. In fact, at a recent Jeanne Guy Gathering, we wrote about a time when things were hard, and, for the first time in over a year, I wrote on what was previously a difficult subject without shedding a single tear or even coming close. It felt good to write about that time from where I am now. It was lovely to realize that the past is finally the past and not a ghost that haunts my present.
My present is filled with sweetness. Work is going well. Two summers ago, I wrote an appeal, and I recently learned that the appellate court ruled in favor of my client. Training is going well. Since the MS 150, I’ve been on my bike a great deal, even during the week when I can manage a little time away from the office. I’m getting to spend lots of time with my parents. This past weekend, Dave and I got time alone with Mom and time alone with Dad and time with both of them together. My heart feels safe and held. Dave sent me three little packages last week that communicated to me that he understands who I am and what I need. The present is lovely, and I’m excited about my day-to-day future. I don’t have any big trips planned or anything like I did last year. Things aren’t all perfect. But I’m doing my thing with the people I love.
I don’t know that I’ve ever felt so at ease and so certain that I’m heading in the right direction with the choices I’m making. It’s nice to be peaceful. It’s nice to be well. Finally.