I’m sick and tired, and I’ve never been better. I flew home from Iowa on Tuesday and brought with me a cold. My head is stuffy, and I’m having to blow my nose every fifteen minutes. That was super annoying until I caught myself giggling at the boxes of tissues Dave left around my house the last time he was here. “A box in every room? Why is that necessary?” I see why now. You never know where you might be when you need a tissue. Thanks, Dave. Continue reading
Monthly Archives: May 2014
Looking Up.
Yesterday was a rough day at the office. Then last night, Dave pointed out that I haven’t had a bad day at work in over a month. He’s right. Work has been good. Fun even. And it’s been going smoothly for quite some time. I just lost my grip yesterday and let my mind go into a spiral mind f*ck like I’m sometimes prone to do. It’s just like Dave to steer me to the positive. Continue reading
Halvsies.
I never feel less like myself than when I put on a suit and go to court. That was my realization today as I walked awkwardly in my too-tall heels from my office to the courthouse just five blocks away. I wondered, “Do I look as awkward as I feel? Are people who see me thinking to themselves, ‘Is she limping?'” At first, I was deeply saddened by the realization that my profession is one for which I am poorly suited. But then it occurred to me that I am incredibly lucky to have found a way to work as a lawyer, do good work, and keep my sanity, at least most of the time. Continue reading
Nine Months.
This weekend, I’m heading back up to Iowa, not just to see Dave, but also to spend a weekend on the farm with my dear friends from middle school geek camp. Last August, we had a wonderful gathering. It was our first time in twenty-five years to hang out together. That weekend went a long way towards lifting my spirits and making me hopeful for the future as I faced turning 40 and being alone. Continue reading
Home.
I’m at home on the couch listening to the hum of the clothes dryer. That sound is one of my favorite things. I love the transformation from dirty piles to clean. Even more, I love being home to hear the machines at work. So often, I’m doing laundry on the go, putting a load to wash as I go to bed at night and putting it in the dryer on my way out the door in the morning. To sit and do anything with that bustling in the background means I’m somewhat at rest. Continue reading
The 4:40 Alarm.
Six weeks from today, I’ll be flying to Coeur d’Alene to race in my fifth Ironman. My crazy pre-race psychology has kicked in. When my alarm went off this morning at 4:40 for a 5:30 spin class, I was tempted to roll over and go back to sleep, but a little voice in my head said, “If you don’t make this class today, you won’t finish Coeur d’Alene.” Now rationally I know that no single spin class will make or break a season of training, but I’m not always rational, especially six weeks before a race. So up I got and to spin I went. Continue reading
Non-Mother’s Day Revisited.
Last year, I wrote about the pain Mother’s Day brings to those of us who are not and likely will not be mothers. I just reread that post and still whole-heartedly agree with all that I said, but I find myself smiling right now. This is the part of what I read that makes me smile: Continue reading
Six Months.
On September 1 of last year, with my fortieth birthday looming and my heart still somewhat raw from the past, I asked a handful of friends to think of the kindest single person they know and ask themselves if I should meet him. “Emphasis on kind please,” I wrote. Almost three weeks later, my new friend Laura Lynn, who is married to a dear old friend of mine, emailed me about a guy from their church. Here’s what she said: Continue reading
Post-Swim Clarity.
Last night, I went to the gym after work and swam two miles in an outdoor pool. I normally do a particular workout and focus on hitting a target pace, but this was an unscheduled swim and an opportunity to clear my head and do some good thinking. So I put my head down and swam for just over an hour. Continue reading
Decisions.
Just today, I saw a picture of one of my favorite writing instructors sitting in a mediation pose beneath graffiti art that says, “I love you so much.” Her eyes are closed, and she’s smiling. That image reminds me to love myself. I’m working on it. I really am. Continue reading
It Started With Coeur d'Alene 