Last year, I wrote about the pain Mother’s Day brings to those of us who are not and likely will not be mothers. I just reread that post and still whole-heartedly agree with all that I said, but I find myself smiling right now. This is the part of what I read that makes me smile:
I trust the universe. I trust it to bring me a spouse or life partner if it identifies a good person who will love me and never leave me. I trust it to bring me a kid, my own or someone else’s, if I need to be a mom.
I meant those words last year, but I don’t know that I fully believed them. I think I was saying what I wanted to believe – what I needed to believe at the time to deal with the hurt I was experiencing this time last year.
I’m pretty sure that if you’d asked me last year which I thought I’d be more likely to have – love or a kid – I would have said a kid. After all, lots of kids in the world need moms. Love on the other hand? That, from where I was sitting, would have been the major miracle. But somehow, much to my surprise and delight, the universe has brought me a good person who loves me and who I believe will never leave me. And you know what? I had a feeling from the moment I met him that my life was changing for the better.
The love part happened. Maybe the kid part could happen too.
I’ve been listening to a sermon series on the book of Genesis and learning again about God’s promise of a child to Abraham and Sarah, and Sarah was old. Hell, Sarah was far older than I am. I don’t doubt that God could give me a child or point me to a child who needs a mom and tell me that the job is mine, if that’s the plan for me.
Mother’s Day is hard for those of us who want to be moms but aren’t. But the last year has taught me that what I want isn’t necessarily what’s best for me, that life really is wise, and that what’s meant to be will happen and will be more beautiful than anything I could have imagined. So let me say it again: I trust the universe to bring me a kid, my own or someone else’s, if I need to be a mom. And this time, I both mean and believe what I’m saying.