I’m surprisingly calm right now. I still feel like hell, but it could be worse. I could be a nervous wreck of a sick person. Having no energy four weeks out from my biggest race of the year is not ideal, but I’m trying to trust that my training isn’t just what happened or didn’t happen last week, this weekend, or this coming week. It’s what’s happened the last six months. My training hasn’t been the most consistent of my life, but it’s been good. I’ve been swimming, running and biking with regularity, and I’m faster on the bike than I think I’ve ever been. That may be the key for me at Coeur d’Alene. For now, until the crud passes, I need to rest in that confidence.
I tried to rest this weekend, but I didn’t sleep well. Friday night, I went to bed hoping for a good long night’s sleep, but I woke up at 2:00 a.m. and was up for nearly three hours. For about forty-five minutes, I tried to fall back asleep. I finally gave up and got out of bed. I sorted through mail, watched some TED Talks, emptied the dishwasher, ran a load laundry, and organized my books. I managed to fit about twenty novels that had piled up in my home office onto what I previously thought were full bookshelves. Later in the day, when I bailed on a movie with my niece and skipped out on a game night with dear friends, I regretted my productivity in the wee hours of the morning, but what else was I supposed to do?
I napped some of Saturday afternoon, slept a little better Saturday night, did a short bike ride Sunday morning, took my niece to see Maleficient Sunday afternoon and caught up with my friend (the game night host) for a couple of hours Sunday night when I stopped by her house to drop something off. I meant for it to be a quick stop, but good conversation with a dear friend is hard to walk away from, so I sat and enjoyed the one-on-one time with her.
I didn’t do the eight-hour bike ride and one-hour run called for by my training program. And I won’t do the swim that’s on my schedule for today because it feels wrong to get into a pool with other people feeling the way I do. Plus, I’m pretty sure the turns would be brutal on my already spinning head. I’m hopeful I will leave work early today to at least do a short and easy ride this afternoon or evening. Or maybe I’ll just go for a walk. We’ll see.
The inconsistency is a little scary at this point in the season, but I have to be okay where I am right now. The alternative is to freak out. I just don’t want to do that.