I’ve had to admit to myself over the last couple of days that I can’t do it all. Right now, I’m working, training, writing, and putting lots of energy into my relationships. I’d like to also be doing board work and trail running and guitar lessons and Story Departments and more, but I’m calling my own bluff. I’m crying uncle. I’m scaling back, at least until I get through my big race and maybe until after Dave gets here.
Phew. I feel better already. I feel lighter.
I cracked again yesterday on my drive home after a long day at work when things didn’t go as planned. I skipped a run I wanted to make, and I spewed my venom to poor Dave about the *&(*#&$ people who unnecessarily complicated my day with the gamesmanship that I so despise. He listened patiently. I don’t like erupting, but it happens occasionally, and it’s rarely about any one thing. It’s usually a combination of things. Yesterday, it was the combination of having to skip my run and dealing with a jerk and not having a clear sense of what the rest of my week would look like given the jerk’s actions. Just over two weeks before a big race, control over my schedule matters to me. And when I lose control externally, I tend to lose control internally. It’s not pretty.
I spent some time last night with my parents and with a good book, two wonderful antidotes to a piss poor afternoon. Then I got to FaceTime with Dave, who gave the most compassionate pep talk I’ve probably ever received. That brought more peace to my world.
Peace is good for me. Two weeks before my race, peace is exactly what I need.
Last night and today, I passed on some things I want to do but can’t, and I’ve made a decision not to let the jerk get the best of me. It’s better, but clearly not perfect because I’m writing, as I tend to do when I need to process something. I’m also making a list of all the things that need to happen before I can get on a plane to Coeur d’Alene. That list both helps and excites me. And I’ve decided I will make a 6:00 p.m. spin class this evening no matter what else happens with my day. That hour? I’m claiming that hour as mine.
So friends, come 5:15 this afternoon, if I haven’t left my desk, call me out on it, would you? It’s not a life or death kind of need, but getting to my workouts makes a world of difference to my body and my mind. I need my spin today. Badly.