This past week, I got the first pedicure I’ve had in about four months. I’ve been timid about getting them because I’m one toenail shy of a full set and have been since my blue nail from the Barcelona Marathon fell off completely. I forced myself to book a pedi because that’s part of my pre-race ritual. I now have happy feet and pretty feet. Or maybe not pretty feet, but prettier feet than I had before.
I’m almost ready for my race. I did my last biggish workout yesterday – a two and a half hour spin and a twenty minute run. Today, I had a day off. Dave was here for the weekend. After he got on a plane late this afternoon, I came home to pack. I’m not done packing, but I’m mostly done. All the clothes are done, but I need to pack toiletries, shoes, my camera, glasses and other non-apparel items. Now I just need to get some work done so I can leave in a few days with a clear head.
Having Dave here this weekend was good for me. I’m nervous even though I’ve been through the Ironman pre-race process four times before. I’m a little freaked out by the weather in Coeur d’Alene. The forecast shows rain three of the next five days. What will next Sunday be like? Last year, it rained Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday morning. Then it cleared up Saturday afternoon, and we ended up having a gorgeous race day on Sunday. Then it rained again Monday morning. Will we get that lucky again?
Speaking of lucky, I feel like everything is going a little too well right now. Work. Family. Friends. Dave. I have no complaints, which of course gets my brain into worrying about how long this can possibly last. Doesn’t something have to go wrong soon? If it does, what will it be?
It feels like things can’t stay this wonderful forever or even for long. Can I add a fifth Ironman finish onto all this goodness? That seems like a crazy overabundance of goodness. Maybe I won’t reach the finish line at all for some reason. Will I panic in the water? Will a tire or two go flat during my ride? Will I have GI problems on the run? A DNF would be an enormous bursting of my bubble. I hope that doesn’t happen, but I do worry that maybe things are so good right now that a DNF at this point in my life would be arguably merciful because I’m equipped emotionally to handle that failure. This time last year, I was still so fragile that a DNF would have been a cruel act on the part of the universe. But right now, my head and heart are in a good place. Is that because I’m being prepared for catastrophe next weekend? Does it make any sense at all that I even think this way?
I made a decision this weekend that, assuming I finish next Sunday, I won’t do an Ironman in 2015. I’ll train and race some, especially marathons, but I won’t do the Ironman distance. With Dave moving to Texas soon, I want to focus on time with him over pretty much everything else. But if I don’t finish, I suspect I’ll find myself in line Monday morning to sign up for next year’s race. I think I’d feel compelled to try again.
I want so much to finish. I don’t feel like I deserve all the good stuff happening in my life right now, but I’d appreciate so much if the goodness would last just one more week so I can cross that finish line for the fifth time. Just one more week.