The days since Dave asked me to marry him have flown by. They’ve been wonderful to some extent. We traveled up to Iowa so I could meet more of his family and friends and so that he could say goodbye to people he didn’t get to see before he moved to Texas. The weekend was lovely. But everything surrounding the wedding has been quite stressful.
I want to marry this man, but oh how I wish I could do it without a “wedding.” I’m probably the worst party planner ever. I don’t know venues, food, color schemes, music, decorations, or any of the stuff that goes into putting on a wedding. Perhaps more accurately, I don’t care about those things. Trying to muddle through a list of things that mean nothing to me leaves me completely overwhelmed. Anytime I’ve thrown a party, my “planning” has amounted to calling Mom and Dad and asking if they’d make a bunch of food for my friends. They do the work, and I show up and enjoy. That’s how we’ve operated in the past, so this position I’m in of planning – actually planning – leaves me feeling completely out of my comfort zone and overwhelmed. I’m about two seconds from drugging Dave and flying him to Vegas. And who knows? Since he’s seeing my stress, I may not need drugs to get him there.
I keep bringing myself to the reminder that I am not planning just any wedding – I’m planning my wedding to Dave. That makes a difference. It doesn’t make the details easier for me, but it softens my heart towards them for sure. My heart isn’t so soft that I’ve eliminated the grump factor, but I’ve tempered it quite a lot. I keep bringing myself back to gratitude for the incredible man who has chosen to love me for the rest of his life, gratitude for the families and friends we have who want to celebrate with us, and the support we have to make a gathering of the people we love happen.
I don’t know for sure yet where or when it’ll take place. I don’t know if it’ll be dressy or casual. I don’t have a real sense of colors or whether we’ll have a wedding party. I know I’m marrying Dave. I am hopeful the friends who introduced us will play a big part in the ceremony. I have a wish for sunflowers, which have long been my favorite flower, though I don’t know if they’ll be in season. And I’m hopeful that my friends will join me for a long run on the trails the morning of my wedding day. Beyond that? I have no idea what I’m doing. Dave gets home from Iowa on Saturday, and we’ll talk and figure some of it out together.
The other day, after work, I asked him to go for a run with me – not because a run was on my training schedule – but because I needed it. We ran three miles in my neighborhood. As we approached the house, he took my hand and instructed me to skip with him. Skip – like you learn to do in elementary school. Dave said that it’s impossible to frown and skip, and he was right. We laughed as we skipped home.