Last night, I woke to a rainstorm striking my metal roof. Turns out we had four inches of rain last night, which is fabulous. When my alarm went off at 4:30 a.m. so that I could go meet my running buddies at 5:20, I realized (a) that I was tired from being woken up repeatedly by the rain and (b) that it was still pouring down, which meant no run. So I reset my alarm and went back to sleep until after 7:00 a.m. When I woke again, the rain had stopped, so I went for a run from my house. It felt good to get a little more sleep and still get my run in before facing my work day.
My days have been long and hard at work. I’ve been working on a project that has required focused research and writing on my part, and I’m feeling the weariness in my old brain. I’m training, but just the bare minimum, and my social time, other than with Dave is virtually non-existent right now. When I go home at night, I often have a headache that is helped only by going to sleep. I haven’t been writing much or reading at all. I’m even a couple of weeks behind on my beloved General Hospital. I just don’t have the energy right now.
I’m surprised at how at peace I feel despite all of that. It’s busy, stressful and hard at times, but I’m feeling the wellness of knowing I’m making good choices for where I am right now and knowing that I have someone who loves me deeply by my side. I’m saying no to many things. No to dinners. No to classes. No to events. No even to the Portland Marathon, which was something I really wanted to do again this year. Saying no isn’t fun, but it’s helping me get through my days mostly with ease and calm. I’ve had a meltdown or two that, thankfully, only Dave has witnessed. But for a couple of days now, I feel I’ve found my center in the midst of a storm. I really can’t ask for more than that.