My dreams have been disrupting my sleep. I keep a spiral notebook by my bed and was trying, for a while, to write my dreams down because sometimes they are crazy vivid. It’s a practice I started in Africa, where I would wake at times in the middle of the night and make notes in the journal that I kept inches away from my head. I’d read the notes the next morning and realize that I would have lost my dreams entirely if I hadn’t recorded them. I haven’t been doing that lately, but I had a crazy dream last night that I do remember, and I found a dream from last week that I’d started to write about in a blog post that never materialized.
In last week’s dream, I showed up for a distance triathlon in Baltimore only to find out that there were only ten of us competing and that we were responsible for having our own crews. I immediately dreaded being out on the race course alone for hours and hours and went into a frenzy when I realized that I had no crew. Somehow though, I controlled the freak out. I started talking to the people around me and picked up a little support team from the smattering of spectators. I might have even poached a team member from another team. I’m not sure. I don’t remember the dream that well, but I do remember feeling that wave of, “Oh, no!”
In last night’s dream, I was heating up chemo fluids – don’t ask me why – in a plastic bowl in a microwave at the house in Corpus Christi where I grew up. I heated the fluids for too long, and the plastic bowl melted. When I opened the microwave door, the fluids spilled all over my cat, Bread. Despite getting doused, Bread didn’t run away. He just looked at me expectantly, trusting that I would get him cleaned up.
I don’t know why I dream what I dream, and if I don’t write them down, I forget 95% of what I dream. I’d like to start tracking them again to see if I can make heads or tails of any of what goes on in my head at night. To do that, I need to clean off the dresser next to my bed so that I can easily reach my notebook and pen without pulling myself out of the sleep state where I can still somewhat remember what I saw and who was involved.
Clean off the dresser. That’s a simple thing, but I’ve been telling myself for weeks to get that done so that I can feel organized in that little piece of my world.
I’ve said before that New Years is perhaps my favorite time of year because I do massive cleaning and organization. This year, things have been busy at work, so I’m slow to get started, but I’m still planning to clear some clutter. I’d like to clean off that little dresser and thin out my closet and dresser drawers. Dave and I have done a great deal of organization around the house since he moved to Texas, so overall, the house is in good shape, but there’s always room to make more space.
I think back to being on the mountain in Africa. I lived out of a large duffel bag and a back pack. I carried a book, a journal, and a camera, and didn’t feel as though anything was missing from my life (except daily showers). I spent hours every day climbing, and I wrote every day. I talked to people, and I ate well. I’d like to bring that simplicity to my home life so I can pay close attention to what’s going on around me and in my own head. I haven’t been doing much of that lately.