I had a 10-mile run on my training plan for tomorrow. Then I showed my plan to Natasha, who is my past and future TriDot coach thanks to the sweetness and generosity of my Dave, and she suggested I run 18 miles instead. My initial internalized reaction was, “Um, is that really necessary? After all, I did an 18-miler just two weeks ago. Do I really need another one before the Austin Marathon?” Apparently, yes, I do. So I’m preparing myself mentally for a long run tomorrow morning.

I’ll meet the girls at 5:30 and run somewhere between six and ten miles with them. Then I’ll be on my own for the remainder. When I realized this weekend that I’d be running super long tomorrow, I dusted off my GPS watch. I couldn’t find my heart rate monitor strap, so I ordered a new monitor and strap that should be compatible with my watch. I even paid for express shipping for it to arrive today, so I’ll be able to track my workout tomorrow. It’ll be good.

It’ll be good, right?

I keep thinking I’m going to turn into someone who is always super excited about long workouts, but the reality is that I have to psych myself up damn near every time. It’s fun to finish running and be proud of what I’ve done, but I’ve always got some apprehension before long efforts. Will I be able to do it? Will I want to quit half way through? Will I give in to that desire to quit – the one that won’t go away no matter how hard I try to will it away?

Every time, it’s a struggle. But I face that struggle again and again because I love training even when I hate training. I love racing even when I’m scared of racing. I love challenging myself even when what I want is to cozy up with a good book and stay in my pajamas all day. Especially then.

I think I appreciate the training even more when I have no desire to do it. It’s on those days that I remind myself that my mind is strong even despite my tremendous capacity for laziness.

So tomorrow – though I don’t want to – I will run long, and it will be good.