Last you heard from me, I was psyching myself up for a Thursday long run. It didn’t happen that Thursday because a work project came up that kept me at the office late and required that I be back in the office early that Thursday morning, but I did get the long run done that Sunday with the help of my friends Jenny and Poppe. In fact, that weekend proved to be a run heavy weekend because Kerry and I ran 10 miles on Saturday and then I did 18 miles on Sunday. That set up a wonderful first week back training with Natasha and the TriDot program. And that energy continued through this past weekend. Even though I was in frigid Iowa Saturday through Monday, Dave and I managed to get to gyms where I could swim and run between visits with friends and family. But when I got home, my drive came to a crashing halt. For two days now, I’ve done nothing. Why?
I got into a funk. Part of it is that travel, even pleasure travel, is exhausting. But I think, more than that, my head just got into a bad place. I’m having to deal with one person in my life who causes me stress. I never know what to expect with this person. Every interaction feels threatening even when the words between us are content neutral. I feel like I’m standing on the side of the road, and a massive bus is barreling towards me, and any minute now I’m going to get pushed right into its path. It’s an awful, awful feeling, and I’m trying to figure out how to get out of this situation, but I don’t see a way out. And that realization exhausts me even more.
Training lifts my spirits. It does every time. I’m writing this as a reminder to myself that training makes any situation better. It helps me deal with stress. It gives me a window of time during which I can live in my head and feel shielded from the outside world. The pool, the spin room, the trails – those are my safe places. I need to find my way back to them immediately.
Tomorrow morning, I’m running with the girls. On Friday, I’ll swim. On Saturday, I’ll do a short run. And on Sunday, I’ll run the Austin Marathon. With any luck, the physical activity will lift my spirits. That or I’ll get flattened by the damn bus and start the process of rebuilding. Either one would be preferable to where I am right now.