Where I Am Right Now.

I’m in a busy season at work that feels overwhelming. Yesterday, I was driving home from work and saw a blue FJ Cruiser like mine going through one of those new-fangled intersections that have cars oddly crossing oncoming traffic. (Don’t get me wrong – those intersections work, but the cars continue to spook me as they drive through.) When I saw the blue FJ, I immediately looked at the back to see if it was mine. I can tell based on the stickers on the back windshield. That’s totally normal, right? Except I was driving my car. I was in my blue FJ, so why was I even contemplating the possibility that this other car could be mine? I’m that tired, I guess.

It feels like I have been scrambling for weeks now, and I expect this pace will continue another few weeks. That’s the nature of my work. Sometimes it’s slow, and sometimes it’s too much. Both have their good and their bad, so I need to just work through this season and trust that the slow will come again.

The challenge is in trying to take care of myself in the process. I’m still exercising every day. My eating is not as clean, as I have not been putting the time into my food prep. My sleep is not as good, as I find myself awake for a couple hours at a time most nights. I have not been able to spend much time with the people who really feed my soul, so I’m a little lonely. But I am exercising. I am drinking my smoothies in the mornings. I am trying to write a little each day. I am reading a little most night. I am sticking to my routine of washing my face each night – a routine I didn’t have until last summer and that has become one of my favorite parts of the day. I’m wearing my bracelet that carries my lavender oil, and I’m diffusing in my office to help keep me calm. Those little things matter. To me, anyway.

Just over a month ago I was wandering through the highlands of Scotland with my niece. Scotland with ArminehThat trip was booked on short notice and seemed blessed in every way, down to my work calendar clearing up so that I did not feel any pressure at all in making that journey. That lightness feels so far away right now. No way could I leave for Scotland in just ten days. And no way could I go and not work even for a minute while I was there. That just would not happen right now. But those things happened just over a month ago. And for that, I am grateful.

Thinking back to that sweet adventure is helping me get through this rush. This is a season, and it will pass. And the same work that overwhelms me now is the work that made my journey with Armineh possible. It’s the same work that makes all of my life possible. So I don’t complain. I just acknowledge the feel of the experience right now, do what I can to power through it with some grace, and trust that it will all subside again.

It will. This is just where I am right now.

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